I’ve had this post in draft for months, but keep putting it farther and farther down on the calendar.
It’s all about dreaming big. I got the idea from one of my new favorite bloggers, Christine at Random Reflectionz and this awesome post she wrote about the same subject.
But the reason I’ve pushed down the queue so many times now is because I just can’t seem to pull the trigger on what my big dreams are.
Where is your life flowing right now? Where is your life ebbing? Are you OK with that?
photo credit
In the ebb and flow of life, I find that sometimes your ambition is flowing. It’s flowing strong. It’s unstoppable. And when your ambition is flowing, your contentment is ebbing.
Conversely, when your contentment flows strong, you’re satisfied with life. You don’t feel that pull to achieve, achieve, achieve. Your ambition, in other words, is in an ebb state.
And I finally figured out why I keep back-burnering this post: my contentment is flowing right now. My ambition is ebbing.
And that’s ok!
If life were one big ambition flow for all of us, we’d surely lose a lot of pleasure along the road, wouldn’t we? And if our contentment never ebbed, we may never experience the surge of adrenalin that comes with a major goal achievement.
I’m OK with my ambition ebbing right now.
But if my ambition’s ebbing, what kind of big dreams can I possibly have? If I’m taking a page out of Random Reflection’s awesome list, that is.
I think right now my dream big list is more like my favorite poem, Success, which I’ve always attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, but learned a while ago that he may not have been the actual writer:
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
My list today isn’t too much different from that poem.
Do you remember the commercial back in the 80′s for Enjoli perfume? I’m dating myself (and some of you!) by saying how vividly I remember this.
The jingle went a little something like this:
“I can bring home the bacon . .
Fry it up in the pan . . .
And never, ever, ever let you forget you’re a man.
Cause I’m a woman (sing it wooooomaaaaan) . . .
Enjoli.”
I’m going to call bullshit on that jingle. I know it was a time when women were discovering their ability to be so much more than a housewife and good old Enjoli was cashing in on that deep rooted need so many women felt, but I’m still calling bullshit.
We don’t have (nor have we ever? Correct me if I’m wrong) commercial jingles telling men that they can be the breadwinner, homemaker and sex god . . . all at the same time, do we?
Because the truth is no one can be all of those things at once. The quality of one (or all) of the many irons a woman tries to keep in the fire will most certainly suffer when she tries to do too many things.
So my version of dreaming big isn’t to publish a novel, grow Literal Mom into the millions, scale Mt. Everest, and be the Enjolie woman.
At least not right now.
My version is to take my corner of the world and make it the BEST corner I possibly can, model the values to my children that I want them to grow up with, and hopefully prepare them to pursue their dreams when their time comes.
And as far as dreaming big? I want to live to be 100 and take the steps necessary to do that, travel extensively with my family and be fiscally responsible enough to achieve that, and make the world a better place in the ways the poem says.
I think you summed it up for me when you said “My version is to take my corner of the world and make it the BEST corner I possibly can, model the values to my children that I want them to grow up with, and hopefully prepare them to pursue their dreams when their time comes,” why I feel at home visiting your blog! Of course, there are some goals I’d like to achieve, but not at the cost of losing who I am or the values I wish to pass on to my child. And, I’m learning to be more appreciative of the moment.
Thanks, Melissa! It’s a balance, isn’t it?
Missy,
This is my favorite blog post of yours EVER!!!
This touched a place in me that I was questioning and doubting. The way you talk about ambition and contentment ebbing and flowing is so perfect! My contentment has been riding high which has resulted in a more leisurely approach to finishing my current novel-in-progress. I’d been beating myself up about this a bit – okay, more than a bit – and feeling like I should feel more driven. Thank you for saying just what I needed to hear today – what a gift!!
Also, calling bullshit on Enjoli- priceless
I’m going to focus on enjoying the many reasons for my heightened contentment while pursuing my ambition at a pace that feels good. I wish you the same!!
Marilee
Thank you, Marilee – reading this comment this morning just made my day!
You know, I’ve been struggling with much the same — I just can’t put my big dreams in my sights. I have said dreams, I can dictate them — but there are very valid reasons why I can’t fulfill them (e.g. I want to start, in Miami, at the start of spring training, with a bicycle & a laptop, and cycle my way from baseball stadium to baseball stadium, blogging my adventure, making myself reach out for help, and accepting help where it’s offered, and get my way to Seattle, with stops in Boston and San Diego . . . but completion of said dream would take MONTHS, and I have a family, and a mortgage — I’m not saying it’s not possible, I’m just saying that attempting to capture said dream would do far more harm than good, so it’s silly to even dictate . . . except that I just dictated the dream here, so I really don’t know what the point was…)
I understand. There are things I see myself wanting to do, but the truth is that certain dreams have to be tailored to our lives. Even though I know some people would go ahead and drop everything to do something like what you say here. I’m just not one of those people. And neither are you, it doesn’t sound like!
What a beautiful post! I’m at the same point in life, where my contentment has taken over, and I don’t have huge ambitions. This Emerson poem is so simple and so beautiful. What an excellent reminder of what’s really important in life.
It makes me think of an acquaintance who just never seems to be happy with the here and now. He’s always looking for the next job, the next city to live in, the next girlfriend…and it’s depressing. He’s wasting his whole life searching for something other than what he’s got! It seems to me that the happiest people are those that find pleasure (or at least humor) in whatever life throws at them. I’d like to be one of them
Your friend reminds me of another saying I’ve heard over the years, which is, “Happiness isn’t the destination, it’s the journey.” Yep. Thanks, Evanthia!
GO Missy! Right now, my version is to be a good Mom whose bipolar doesn’t leave her kids too scarred while still pursuing my own writing.
I LOVED this post – it spoke to me so. I put a lot of pressure on myself to dream big and have big ambitions – sometimes I wonder if I really want these things or if that “achieving” is so closely tied to my self esteem that I feel like I “have to” aim big and achieve for my self worth. One of my focuses in my (yoga) practice right now is to tune into my heart wisdom. What does my heart want – versus what do I want because I think I’m supposed to want it? Maybe I will learn a thing or two about what my dreams really are the more I tune into this.
I love heart wisdom – I think we ignore that sometimes for exactly the reason you say – we think we HAVE to do certain things. Thanks, Ilene!
Wow, this post IS me these days. I am beyond content, but the ambition thing… yeah, there’s not much of it
I’m focused on getting through each day at this point, and I think that’s really a better mindset for anyone! At least for me, because, before my daughter was born, I was in a constant state of anxiety over the future (or fretting about the past). I’m going to try really, really hard to remain focused on the present from here on out. I’ll let ambition figure itself out later.
Good luck with your corner of the world!
I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way! Thanks!
What a wonderful post Missy. I think the depth of how BIG one dreams depends on the fire that BURNS within one’s chest. Some are consumed by their dreams that they’ll do anything including stepping, sleeping, deceiving, scheming to get there. Then there are others who sacrifices their time and their loved ones to achieve their “dreams”. Then, there are those well rounded ones (as you say balanced), who are always aware of their dreams but their priorities are what matter most. So they balance out their lives and not only, they eventually achieve their dreams but still keep their values, priorities and what matters most close to them. They never loose track of what’s most important in their lives. Am I a blabbering fool? LOL.
I love your comment and it’s so good to “see” you, Sela! I feel like it’s been awhile. Thanks for sharing!
Love this so much!! You’re right big dreams don’t have to be unachieveable and ridiculous. They can be about appreciating your wonderful life and doing your best with your corner of the world!
I love how you put that. Because it can be so easy to forget to appreciate the good, you know?
Love your take on this, and love your focus on your corner of the world. Love.
Thanks, Galit. And might I say hearty congratulations on the expanding corner of your world? I’ve seen it on FB!