After this week I can say THIS YEAR for our family.
What the hell?
I’m not the only one who’s been stressed out this week.
When I was growing up, walking to school 3 miles in the snow, milking the cows before breakfast, and delivering newspapers after that, I didn’t involve my parents in homework.
Ok, I didn’t do any of that.
Including involving my parents in homework. Except that time I needed them to get supplies for a project the night before it was due and they left me in the parking lot after going to get said supplies. But we’ll share that story another day.
THIS would have been their response about homework: ”Oh, no honey. I can’t help you with homework.”
And that would have been that.
Now it’s the new millenium and I suspect half the time parents are actually DOING the homework for their kids, not just doing it WITH their kids.
So let me clarify: I do not do my child’s homework. I do not do my child’s projects. But I sure as heck get a lot (a LOT) of “Mooommmmm, can I have some help?” around here these days.
And you know what that help consists of? I walk up, look at the question that’s causing the issue,read it again with her and all of a sudden she’ll say, “Oh, I get it now!”
But then it becomes “can you stay here with me in case I have any more questions?”
And sometimes, God help me, I do. Because I’d rather stay in the area and minimize the time it takes to finish, than leave the area and have it take much, much longer.
What’s my point?
I don’t even know what my point is.
Except maybe to say we got caught with our pants down this week.
It’s the last week of the quarter and I’d forgotten that once you reach a certain age in life that MEANS SOMETHING. Something painful – like needing to study all the time, prepare for tests, have final projects due at the same time, etc, etc.
In other words, cram.
And since we were caught with our pants down about it, we had some stress.
And by stress I mean lots of tears (mostly mine) and saying “what the hell – we are BUSY (with piano, volleyball, jazz, soccer, halloween parties, drama classes, volleyball tournaments) and now it’s the end of the quarter and I have to stop the presses to make sure end of the quarter work gets done?”
What about me?
“What about my fatigue since Little Iggy and the dog have been taking turns waking me up at night for weeks and I don’t use caffeine for a little boost except on the weekends? And by the time homework comes around and test prep comes around I literally can’t keep my eyes open another minute?”
What about me?
“Oh and then I’m trying to get dinner on the table that ISN’T mac and cheese for the 17th day in a row, even though they’ll complain and say ‘where’s the mac and cheese?’ And then I have a sitter ONE night who doesn’t clean up, forgets to have them do half the stuff I WROTE DOWN for her to have them do, and doesn’t get Little Iggy to fall asleep until 10 - on a school night. Before picture day.”
That kind of stress.
Can you relate?
So I’m saying this today: TGIFF. No that’s not a typo. When I get overwhelmed I’ve learned a well placed “fuck” works wonders for mental health. So that means Thank Goodness it’s Fucking Friday.
And by Fucking Friday, I don’t mean to suggest you go out and engage in carnal relations. Unless that works for you.
I mean stand up from your chair and yell out as loudly as you can, “Thank Goodness it’s Fucking Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I’m sure you’ll feel just as good as I do right now.
Except if you’re in a cubicle, whisper it. I don’t want to be the cause of anyone getting fired today.
Happy fucking weekend, my friends. Make it a good one.
Yes, homework is the bane of my existence. Like you, I don’t remember my parents doing much of anything except yelling “Do your homework” and I’d slither into my room to chuck it out, to the best of my ability, on my own so I could go play. Now, I sit beside my son (because if I walk away he will dawdle or play or breakdown) for a freaking hour or two while he miserably works on it. I refuse to do it for him, though it would make my life easier. We actually had that discussion yesterday when he asked for a row of answers: but xxx’s mom/sibling tells HIM the answers. Too freaking bad.
Thank freaking God it’s Friday. No homework. Cheers to you.
I know – I hear that same thing from my child too – I always say, “are you sure about that?”
I’m not going to yell it in my office, but I certainly feel it.
I do not, at all, look forward to the days of homework. At all.
Sounds like life with older kids sure is a lot of work. Just more things for me to look forward to :p
I think as a parent you stay really busy no matter how old they are. It’s just a different kind of busy-ness!
I am in a cubicle. I just whispered it. It felt GREAT! I will make it until 4 pm today with a little less stress!
Woohoo!!!!!
Oh I hear ya! Just wait – 7th grade seemed to be the year for multiple projects that were VIP – “very important projects.” There definitely seems to be a tide turning of sorts regarding expecting parents to “check over” homework and “help.” At least it’s Friday!!!
Except for the last week when there’s so much to do and I feel like I need to kind of look over her shoulder, I’m going to take a step back the rest of each quarter and just let her do it on her own. Because you point it out exactly – it’s just going to get harder and they have to be able to do it!
Happy fucking friday. Now we get to get ready for Hurricame Fuking Sandy. That was fun.
Chelsea – thinking of you. Did you evacuate? Hug. XOXO
Right there with you! Right down to the “well can you stay here with me” part.
This is just glorious. Because I can relate to every single one of your frustrations. TGIFF! I am all for the well placed *fuck* as well. xoxoxoxo
For a while my son had a lot of homework, and he is only in kindergarden – it was mostly writing practice but way too much for a 4 year old. I understand that older kids have lots to do but with him, I only made him do some and sent the rest back to be finished another day. But that is what is expected here.
That’s great that you can do that there and it’s perfectly ok!
I knew things we’re bad when I said, “We got a B!” Homework with my two oldest, especially my middle child, drove me crazy. It wasn’t until they were in high school that I let go of helping too much. I figured that they wouldn’t be calling me in college for help with their homework. I was doing them a disservice. My youngest one is, as usual, the beneficiary of all the Zen Mama knowledge. We often sit together while he does homework. I work on the books and blog. He works on his homework. We talk and sometimes I help. But mainly it’s wonderful companionship. That’s how it’s supposed to be. When you’re done with all your activities, maybe the homework won’t seem so bad, too.
You have a good one, too. (Still can’t say the F word yet!
Someday, Betsy, Someday!
Ohhhhhh man. I neeeed my morning caffeine!! In vast quantities. And while it’s cool that what she needs is to have your mind in the room, your mind needs to be doing less intense STUFF!!
Agree!
Omigosh! Do not even get me started.
As a teacher, I can tell you that as long as parents continue to do their homework for their children this is where we are headed.
I’ll tell you what I used to do.
When my son was in third grade, he received about 3 hours worth of work. Once I felt he was at his breaking point (usually about 2 hours in), I drew a line at the bottom of his paper and stuck a note on his work. I told the teacher my child had been working for 2 hours and that seemed like enough homework for the night. I said I believed that homework (at that level) was supposed to reinforce things taught during the day not torture the children. I said my child demonstrated competence and that I would continue to do this because I thought the homework was excessive.
The teacher called me and THANKED ME.
SHe said she had NO IDEA that the homework she’d been giving was excessive because no one complained. They just did it.
My suggestion is TELL THE TEACHER it is too much. Teachers don’t know if no one speaks up. And if no one speaks up, teachers will continue to pile it on. They aren’t psychic! And if a teacher insists that the homework is appropriate, check the districts expectations for each grade level and then, frankly, you have to decide where to draw the line.
Because you are 100% right. This is not the way to create independent thinkers. This is how we create dependent, petrified students who are anxiety-ridden, afraid of making errors.
We want them to figure things out for themselves. Kids learn by failing. So that means we have to let them fail. Arrrrgh! This is one of those things that really was better about the “old days.” Our teachers didn’t give this ridiculous amount of homework and our parents didn’t do it for us. They let us figure things out for ourselves. If we couldn’t hack it, that taught us something, too. We aren’t all created to be outstanding in every subject.
Our system is soooo broken. Sigh.
*steps off soapbox*
GREAT response. And someone who read it after you wrote it plans to use your tip because her 3rd grader is having 3 hours worth a night! thanks, Renee!
I wish EVERYONE would do this. I’m not kidding. People need to stop making homework a war zone. Parents need to tell their kids: “I’m sorry. I love you, but I already went to school. This is your homework.”
This is the only way for a teachers to really assess where his or her students are in terms of ability. I KNOW everyone is petrified of failing grades. We have to be willing to let our kids fail. Remember when they were learning to walk? They learned to walk by falling down! They got up again. SAME PRINCIPLE. No one ever fell down and stayed down. They get up. They do. But not if you help them up and coddle them and carry them over to the couch and hold them and ask them if they are okay and do they need a Bandaid and maybe you want me to do all your walking for you from now on. That sounds Crazytown, right?
The question is really for parents: How willing are you to let your kid fall down? Encourage your kid to get extra help from the teacher instead of being the teacher?
Thank you for replying to this again. My oldest has been really struggling with math word problems and I’ve been talking her through them. You are so right – if she keeps going in with the right answer that I’ve had to guide her through step by step, the teacher won’t know what she needs to teach! Good wake up on that one, Renee!
I have found that dropping an F bomb every now and then helps to relieve some stress. That said, we’re having a fucking tough homework year here, too. Our son went from second grade and one small 10 minute assignment a night to third grade and homework in just about every subject. He’s our guy with ADHD, too, so he doesn’t get a lot of it done at school and frequently has to RE-DO a lot of it. We literally spend from 4:00 to 7:00 some nights trying to help him get it all done (because it takes someone sitting right there next to him or he’ll wander off). It fucking sucks.
And wow, I just read the above comment! Very smart and ballsy to draw the line on the paper. I am planning to talk to the teacher at conferences next week because he has an IEP that includes homework modification that is not being followed.
Your homework situation sounds brutal! I hope you take Renee’s advice – I think it’s great advice. SO glad you love and appreciate the F word too!
Oh poor you! I felt a bit guilty that this post totally made me laugh. I hope you get through and can enjoy a break! Do the kids get a break after the quarter? (I know your job never stops!!)
It WAS meant to be humorous, even while making a point. I’m glad you laughed.
You are my twin! I coulds, woulda, shoulda written this exact post. Loved and related to EVERY word. And now I hope you’re feeling some relief. Amen and happy weekend!
It does bring me comfort to know that even when we’re sitting in our homes struggling through an issue, other people can totally sympathize. We’re all in it together!
I hate homework. I hate any kind of school work and I was a teacher. I just wrote a post about how I can’t even say TGIFF because lately my weekends are worse than my weeks. But…I can totally relate to the being caught with your pants down.
We’ve had some really tough weekends too this fall. I’m hoping, hoping, hoping it’s going to slow down now.
I am laughing out loud. Murray came home with preschool “homework” last week, and although we had a week to get it done (writing names of the members of our family on apples, coloring them and cutting them out), we waited until the last minute. Lots of frustration for everyone getting Murray to write the proper letters. Turns out, the other parents all wrote the names for their child. At least his teacher knows that we don’t do his homework for him.
Exactly. My daughter and I have made an agreement to take all projects and map out what needs to be done and put it into a timeline for our schedules so we don’t have this happen during the rest of the year!
Hi Missy,
I’m not a parent yet. However, I could truly feel your frustration. I also got an insight of the challenges with being a parent.
I have to admit, when I saw TGIFF and read what it meant, it brought a big smile to my face!
I read this as Julia was doing her “homework” and had about a 10 questions. Yikes.
I too was glad when it was Friday.
Not a fan of homework…. especially when my kids tell me that I’m doing it wrong because that’s not the way the teacher showed them how to do it.
Thankfully, now that the girls are older I don’t help with homework. High school work is much to hard now!
Exactly! There will come a day when I actually CAN’T help with homework b/c it’s too hard!