One of my children came to me crying. I gave her a hug and said, “What’s wrong?”
She said, “I’m afraid of growing up. I’m afraid of leaving home. I’m afraid of what it’s going to be like to be a grown up.”
And I had to choke back my own emotion and fears, hugging her fears away, and assure her that it would all work out and one day she wouldn’t be able to WAIT to be an adult.
I had to choke my emotions back because I have the same fears. When I imagine them growing up, leaving home, not needing me, being on their own, it brings me to tears. I cry now as I write this, after having an ugly moment with one of my children this morning leaving me feeling like I didn’t handle it the way I should.
That day, I told her, “you only grow up a little bit at a time. Every day you grow up just as much as you need to, no more. Your body and your mind aren’t meant to go from the age you are now to adulthood overnight. It’ll happen so slowly you won’t even really see it.”
But it’ll happen in the blink of an eye. We know that, don’t we? Even in the interminably long moments we endure as parents (like the nightly wake ups Little Iggy is doing once again), we know the old phrase, “The days are long but the years are short.”
My little monkeys, hanging on their parental rope.
Every day I let them go. A little bit at a time.
Some days I reel it out too far, and some days I have to reel it in because they’ve done something they’re not ready for. Some days it’s just right.
But every day?
I let them go.
Linking with Things I Can’t Say today.
Oh how I get this, girl.
{Ouch}
I had serious anxiety about growing up. As a child I would try to stay awake all night so that I wouldnt grow older! Kinda crazy…
I remember crying about that when I was 8, and my mom had to come to my room in the middle of the night, to let me know I won’t be a grown up for many years. Still, I can’t wait for my kids to grow up. They’ll be awesome teenagers and young adults and adults.
From the moment they’re born, we’re letting them go….so hard though.
I can SO relate to this post. I feel so sad when I think about my kids growing up and leaving home. Every year on their birthdays, I actually feel a little sad that another year is over. I sure wish I could relive their baby days:)
Aww..poor thing. She still has time to grow.
I miss when my kids were babies, but then I remind myself of how much easier things are now and I’m happy again.
Letting go… really that is the hardest part of parenting.
I hate letting go. Every milestone is so bittersweet knowing that each step is one away from you!
That is always an interesting parenting question. When to step in and when to let go…
Thank goodness it only happens a little at a time!
I think that this is the part of parenting that I struggle with the most. I don’t want to let them go, but I have to. It breaks my heart!
Lacey@ And They Call Me Mommy
I’m right there with you!
This is scary to think of. I can’t imagine not having my little girl running around the house.
I love what you told her about growing up just a little bit every day. That was perfect. Sometimes it just seems that a little bit is still too much.
Right – some days just a little bit DOES seem too much! Depends on the day .. .
One day, when my older son was 6, he really wanted something that my husband and I were not ready to allow. And because he is a master debater (and has always been) he had gotten us to the point where we were ready throw out anything that would award us the much needed victory. So we told him that when he is an adult and lives in his own home, separate from us, he will have the freedom to make this decision on his own. And he cried. It took me a while to understand that he was actually very scared of that very concept. In a very twisted way it made me happy because I knew that the sentiment won’t last too long a while on his part.
I tell my kids they can make their own rules when they grow up too! I wonder if saying that kind of thing DOES plant this fear in them at times?
Every time one of my boys says something about “when I am this age or that age” or “when I grow up, I will…” I get a little stab in my heart. It goes by so fast. I’m proud of them for being mature, yet I still love when they need me. I think that’s the way it is when you are 4 or 44 (cause I still need my mommy sometimes, too.
).
Amen to that, Kathy!
And every day, you ache a little more with the loss. But it’s better that way than to have to let them rip themselves loose when they become adults. This way, the wound can heal as it forms, a little at a time.
Totally agree.
So well put. I remember feeling the way she did when I was a girl. And I sure as heck feel the way you do now.
What are you doing commenting? Aren’t you still in France??
Your words are a good reminder to me. A little bit at a time. We can do this, we can do this, it’s only a little bit at a time. Perfect words today, thank you.
I want to let them go at all. *sniffles*
Just the other night, at the dinner table, after I had been yelling at the kids all afternoon, they told me as we ate that they never wanted to leave my house. It meant even more to me after all of the arguing – because it means they can see through that “day to day” crap – and they truly get and understand the love underneath it.
That is so wonderful that they recognize that! (And I feel a little better knowing I’m not the only one yelling at my kids).
Oh goodness what a tear jerker!
I love your response to your child. It was perfect!
Great post and I so understand this.
Your response? Perfect. I’m tucking it away to use when I need to.
Thanks, Carolyn!
Every day that we have to let go, they let go a little too. And I think what I realize is that while I complain about the constant dependency now, I really dread the time when they have “unreeled” themselves completely from me and none of it’s in my control anymore.
But if you love someone its what we have to do, especially as parents.
Kiran
I complain about the dependency often too – but it won’t be there forever. And I try to remember that as much as possible.
This is really poignant, Missy, and so sweetly written. My oldest is 5 and he’ll tear up every so often at the prospect of getting older and living apart from me and his dad. Those are the moments that really get me, when both of us are feeling the weight of his growing up at the same time.
I know! We just need to hold them close while we can!
What wonderfully encouraging words for your daughter! I think too often in this culture children are asked to be too grown up in their development. Your attitude is such a treasure for your children!
I think society totally tells kids to grow up too early too!
Oh my…. this is the story of my life. I hate that my girls are growing up, becoming more independent each day, and need me a little less each day. I wish they’d stay little forever.
I say that to my girls all the time – just stay little for a little while longer!