This is the prompt for Just Be Enough’s monthly link up and I’m stumped as I look at all the varying ways to say “now what.”
Rolling them around in my mind, tasting them, trying to see which one fits for where I am today.
Now what? I suppose it’s a perfect question for me.
For I am in flux, trapped in a gray area of wishing summer were still here and trying (it seems unsuccessfully) to slide into a Fall routine that’s satisfying.
I’m DOING stuff. A lot of stuff. But I’m unsatisfied. I’m going through the motions, getting enjoyment from some things, but wanting more (and more and more) fulfillment from others.
I’m lonely. I unexpectedly cried talking to a friend today about how I missed summer. And I miss the girls.
The endless “moms” I sometimes not very patiently answered all summer long are just echoes and memories now, all day long.
Then I pick them up, so happy to see them and as they pour their days of trials and tribulations into me, I don’t want that either. It’s so much, going from nothing all day to everything in an instant.
I’d prefer the slow trickle of daily emotions we had in the summer. Watching their slow build to the end of the day, instead of being bombarded by it.
And though I miss them and though it’s lonely, the days fly by, filled with what feels like unimportant details.
Trouble is, I’m not sure what I think is important right now.
Is a question I’m asking myself daily.
Will the answer come? Yes, certainly.
I just have to have faith. And patience. And remember that sometimes when I feel like I’m not getting an answer, maybe that in itself is an answer I need to pay attention to.